The Father Knows Best

Looking back on the holidays of recent months in which we honor our mothers, fathers, and grandparents, I feel it is only appropriate that we reflect on our families. We live in a world where the condition of families has continually changed from the idealized version portrayed in the hit 1950’s television sitcom entitled similarly to this article.

Unfortunately, these changes have not always been for the better. For example, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly one quarter (23 percent) of children lived with only their mothers in 2006, five percent lived with only their fathers, and five percent lived with neither of their parents. While immeasurable credit may be given to the strong, diligent, and courageous single parents and foster parents, there is no question regarding the increased difficulty these parents face compared to their counterparts in two-parent households.

Why are our relationships with our families so important? Well, the first commandment God gives concerning relationships with other people deals with the family: Honor your father and mother. The sequence of this commandment indicates the importance our heavenly Father places on the family. In His eyes, the family is the foundation for all other relationships. It is in the family that we are supposed to learn the basic life skills that we will use for the rest of our lives. We learn such things as respect for others, conflict resolution, developing a work ethic, and how to live in community. Families are entities in which values and morals are passed down from generation to generation.

Consequently, if we do not learn to live together in the family unit, it may be very difficult to get along anywhere else in our lives. For example, if a child does not honor his or her mom or dad, the child is probably not going to honor his or her teacher at school. Similarly, they are probably not going to honor their coach, a police officer, or an employer. Even worse, they are not going to honor God.

Therefore, Satan’s onslaught against our families is no accident. The break down of the home—separation and divorce, immorality and infidelity, child abuse, spousal abuse, the bombardment of pornography in the family—is not an accident. Satan is trying to destroy our families and, for the most part, is having quite a bit of success in our country and in our world. He knows that as the family unit breaks down, so too will our understanding of and respect for God and His authority.

That being said, is God’s fifth commandment to honor our parents a magic formula that can easily solve all the problems within our families? Before we can tap into the potential of this commandment, we must overcome three unseeingly insurmountable hurdles:

The first hurdle is one with which almost any adult can relate: children tend to believe they know more than their parents. Almost every child goes through this stage, whether it results from pride, rebellion, or naiveté. Mark Twain is quoted as saying, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in 7 years.” The sooner our children learn that we as parents are not just a little smarter, but a lot smarter than them through lived experiences, this first hurdle will hopefully become a long forgotten obstacle.

The second hurdle, to which I will refer as tension, trials, and tragedies, may be more difficult for some to overcome. For too many, the reference of honoring our parents brings only a river of pain and heartache. The tragic reality is that too many people have had bad parents or absent parents. Some may of you have grown up in homes where terrible evils and unmentionable sins were committed against you by the very people to whom God entrusted your safekeeping. Therefore when we talk about honoring our parents, pain, bitterness, and scars run deep for some. I assure you that through this commandment God is not saying to you, “Just get over it,” “Ignore the pain,” nor “Deny that it ever happened.” Perhaps for you, this instruction is a call, if possible, to confront your parents and discuss the pain in hopes that there can be forgiveness, and perhaps by doing so may be able to honor your parents in the years ahead.

However, for those for whom confrontation and reconciliation are not even possible, God offers the hope of prayer. Pray that bitterness will not engulf your heart, that God will somehow enable you to forgive, and that the cycle of pain and hurt will not continue into the next generation. Pray for wisdom, healing, hope, and a new beginning. I pray that “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).

The third challenge is that many children have never been taught to honor their parents, which comes primarily from lack of discipline. It seems that in our society today, parents are too afraid, too unaware, or too busy to discipline. My parents have five children, and they disciplined each and every one of us accordingly. For my sisters, it could be once a year. For one of my brothers, it was practically every day. Boy did we kids love and respect Mom and Dad!

Let me fervently convey that I believe abuse against a child is the worst crime imaginable. Therefore, as we discipline our children, we must do so in love and not in anger. Although God charges us with disciplining and correcting our children (Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15), He sternly warns, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossian 3:21). Even more telling is His warning that the fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will one day have nothing worthwhile left (Proverbs 11:29).

Once we have overcome these obstacles, how is it that God calls us to honor our parents? Firstly, we are called to respect them, which is demonstrated through acts of kindness and caring, as well as through reverence for their authority. Secondly, we are called to obey them in the Lord, which stipulate not obeying them blindly, but rather in so much as it does not conflict with what God commands through His word, the Bible. Lastly, we are to accept that our parent are fallible, and that while not all parents do a good job, most parents earnestly try to do their best. Therefore, children and parents must acknowledge appropriate responsibility and offer appropriate forgiveness to one another.

The explanation of this sacred commandment brings me to my final point regarding the importance God places on the family and children’s respect for their parents: Honoring God teaches us to honor our parents, just as honoring our parents teaches us to honor God. May we seek His wisdom and strength to obey this command in our lives, and thus receive His promise that we may live long fruitful lives, and restore our families and our country.

- By Dudley C. Rutherford

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